Women of Worship/Ep1: Glorious Ruins

This post is a part of an extended series, Women of Worship, where we offer our own personal stories related to a worship song.

When I first listened to this song, the imagery that came to mind was that of a broken jar, that had been repaired with specks of gold, in the style of Kintsugi

When the mountains fall And the tempest roars You are with me When creation folds Still my soul will soar on Your mercy

2019 was a particularly stressful time for me and at many times, I felt exhausted. It felt like the tempest really was roaring around me and the many demands of life were "falling" on me. In these difficult times, I sometimes did not even have energy to pray at the end of the day. Yet, when I managed to say a short prayer, I felt like a little of my stress was being lifted off me. There were times when I so desired to spend time with Him in mass but my work schedule rendered it exceedingly difficult.

I'll walk through the fire With my head lifted high And my spirit revived in Your story And I'll look to the cross As my failure is lost In the light of Your glorious grace

There were many times when I could have thrown in the towel and given up with trying to be "nice" or to "help". I could let my human nature take over and let myself be depleted day by day. Yet, I found solace in listening to worship music, to saying prayers for people who proved difficult to work with and expanding my heart, bit by bit. I recall a particular day when I felt quite overwhelmed and realised everything on my table was in a mess. Yet, peeking behind the stack of documents was the Jesus plushie. Looking at Jesus smiling back at me made me laugh a little. Yes, perhaps all I had to do was look to the cross? All of the little failings that had affected me slowly mattered less.

So Let the ruins come to life In the beauty of Your Name Rising up from the ashes God forever You reign

I realised there is beauty in broken things. For every time trust was broken, for every time I felt "left behind", for every time I felt like I needed to be different, He reminded me that there was a delicate beauty. The ruins of misplaced trust and fears were replaced by a slow warmth.

And my soul will find refuge In the shadow of Your wings I will love You forever And forever I'll sing

Instead of finding refuge and security in fragile human relationships, I realised my true refuge was Christ Himself. He would shelter me from the storm, He would guard my heart lovingly. I found refuge in going to meet Him in daily mass and more frequent visits to Adoration. It is in these encounters that I rediscovered the overwhelming love of the Father.

When the world caves in Still my hope will cling to Your promise Where my courage ends Let my heart find strength in Your presence

Now I can say that I draw my strength not from myself or from other people, but from Him alone. The road ahead may not be easy and there will still be difficult moments but now I cling firmly to His promise and draw strength to continue expanding my heart from Him.