Feminine Genius Ep5/Generosity

This is part of a 6 part series on the Feminine Genius, as highlighted in St John Paul II's Letter to Women.

I was ruminating about the difference between "giving" and "generosity" recently and realised there's a fine line between the two. Sometimes we "give" of our time, effort, encouragement, but we do so with selfish intentions, we expect something in return. We live in a culture fraught with transactional relationships where we view each other as "products" and "users" and even assess the utility of the friendships we have. To give in and of itself, is not difficult per se, especially if we give with the knowledge that there is a "reward", whether tangible or intangible. How many of us, can truly say, we have given with no selfish intentions? How many of us can say that yes, we have given abundantly and with no expectation of reciprocity? This features in the relationships we have with others, where we sometimes "give" of our time, our listening ear with the hope that this person will do the same for us. When it turns out that the person has not "matched" our "generosity", we feel that we have been "played out", but then is that true generosity?

The women in my life, from friends to family have demonstrated that it is always worthwhile to be generous. They have drawn from their personal well, as if gifting a bit of their light to others around them, helping to illuminate their paths, assuage their doubts, put a smile on their faces. They have gone out of their way to give of their time to me, helping me through difficult times, sitting with me and holding space in a way that I feel safe and loved. They have given of their efforts and talent to various ministries in the church and helped to build it into a thriving community. They did not need to, they did not expect anything in return, except to do all things for "the glory of God". This points to the nature of the giving. The giving is free and abundant. How can it be free then, if we have to draw from our personal resources? It is free of selfish intention, it is not darkened by personal agenda and manipulation. How can it be abundant when we come from a mindset of scarcity? It can be abundant because we are not drawing from our own limited resources and human capacity, we are drawing from the Divine well of God's generosity Himself - the Living Water which never runs dry!

When we "give", I realised that we sometimes "give" with a tinge of regret. It's like when I offer my family a slice of my favourite cheesecake, because I know they enjoy it too, but when I feel a stab of "loss". It's a small matter, but it illustrates the "one-handed" giving some of us are more familiar with. We give, yes, but we are still attached to what we have supposedly given. The true nature of giving then is "open-handed", letting go of what we have given with no sense of loss or regret. It calls to mind an experience I had with a close friend. I had shared an image of one of my favourite artworks on social media and she had commented that she really liked the image. Where I would normally wrestle with the feeling of "letting go" of the artwork, this time without hesitation, I quietly placed the artwork in an envelope and sent it to her as a surprise. This one "open-handed" experience has helped me with this virtue of generosity and to truly give without counting the cost - for when I see the joy on my friend's face, there is no sense of loss, but a sense of deep joy on my part too.

I look to St Ignatius for wisdom as his prayer for generosity comes to mind:

Lord, teach me to be generous, to serve you as you deserve, to give and not to count the cost, to fight and not to heed the wounds, to toil and not to seek for rest, to labor and not to look for any reward, save that of knowing that I do your holy will.

I close with a few questions to ponder:

1. In what areas of my life do I "hold back" and grasp, instead of give?

2. What do I fear I might lose if I were to give of myself wholeheartedly?

3. What can I give to others, in this season of my life?