The relationship that lasts for eternity

As Valentine’s Day draws near, it will be both a joyous and difficult time for some of us. For those of us who are in life giving relationships, take this time to reflect on the gift God has bestowed on you and pray for continued grace to place Him at the centre of your relationship. For those who are still seeking or discerning, do not lose hope in the Lord’s plan for you. I have seen many people build their life around this search for a life partner. In some cases it has been an important phase in self awareness, learning from mistakes and bringing our insecurities to light. For others it has been filled with disillusionment and a steady stream of disappointment. I want you to remember that there is a purpose for every season of your life. God has placed you where you are right now, be it attached or single or seeking, for a unique and specific purpose. We are serving Him in our own ways even when we feel we are not. It is around times like this that many of us feel inexplicably alone.

This is a fallacy if we rest in the knowledge that our most important relationship is with God alone. God first formed us in the womb and knew us through and through. He desires for us to know Him deeply and to encounter Him. When I ask people, “Why do you want to enter into a relationship?”, I get answers like

1. Everyone I know is in a relationship and I don’t want to feel left out. I don’t want to feel #fomo, I too want to have someone to watch rom-coms with or binge watch Netflix with.

2. I feel pressure from my family and society. People around me have been asking me pointed questions and make me feel guilty or highlight that there is something “wrong” with me.

3. I have problems being alone. I need someone with me to feel complete. If not, I lose my sense of direction and purpose.

Hold up, let me address each of these concerns:

1. Being in a relationship is not about attaining a unrealistic standard of perfection or to simply have another person by ones side. Before entering into a relationship, consider meaningfully your reasons for doing so. It is just like how we make many of our lives important decisions. We consider different aspects of the decision before we commit to a particular outcome. It takes time and maturity to realise that there is no #fomo when we realise we have actually never missed out on the most important relationship of all, the one we have with God. Place God at the centre of your decisions and consider whether what you are doing brings you closer of further away from God. It sounds so simple and unbelievable but the “closer/further” rule applies to all points of indecision.

2. Let me assure you, there is nothing wrong with you. You are perfect the way you are, just as God has created you. Don’t forget, you were created in the image and likeness of God himself. He is the master Potter, moulding and shaping you everyday. You are running your own race and God is working in His time. A time unique to you! It may seem disheartening when getting into and out of relationships seems easy for other people. Remember that God has a reason for the season of life you are in right now. He might be calling you to a deeper relationship with Him or to serve Him in a special way. Our human conception of time and timeliness is limited. We are always mentally checking off “settling down” as an item on our checklists when in reality God will provide at His own time. Be strong, dear sisters and brothers and stay the course! Trust in God’s Providence. He will always want what is best for you and who knows what will happen, if only you remain open to His will for you!

3. My dear, you are never alone! When we limit our concept of human relationships to a romantically inclined one, we lose sight of the many relationships in our lives with friends and family that have been the constants. It is sad to see people lose touch with their close friends when they devote all their time to a love interest. In fact, even beyond human relationships, which are themselves imperfect, God has never left your side and will never leave you. When you are going through a tense friendship or a breakup, God has not abandoned you. He has always been holding you in the palm of His hand. He will never forsake you even when you feel rejected, for wasn’t even Jesus himself denied 3 times by the people he loved? God is there, we just need to be more attuned to His presence. The modern world favours the notion that when things do not go our way, we say that God is absent, He has abandoned us or He is withholding something we really desire. Instead, it is the waiting, the uncertainty that we allow God to fill this space. We no longer think that what we have achieved is due to our sole efforts but rather a gift from Him.

Let us seek Him with open and humble hearts, loving others as we are called to. God is love itself and as 14th of February comes around, I hope you remember that your relationship with God is one that will last for eternity.

Stay tuned for my new series leading up to Valentine's Day