Women's Words Ep1/Celeste

This is part of an extended series, Women's Words which tells personal stories of Catholic women from all walks of life. We invite you to hear their stories and to allow Him to speak to you through the tapestry of their lives.

Episode 1: The Father's Love

Prior to attending a retreat, I was away from the church for a period of time. I left church because I felt angry and abandoned by the Father. I could not understand how my earthly father could spend so much on 4D and Toto, how he could come up with various lies and how it filled me with fear and apprehension. I could see the effect my father's actions had on the people around him and the strain it placed on the family. I realised the imperfect nature of my earthly father and his failings caused me to question, "Where are you God, who is my heavenly Father?" I questioned God helplessly, wondering why I was shouldering this heavy cross and sometimes it felt too much to bear. I wandered in and out of regular church-going and became more of a Sunday Catholic, mechanically ticking off the boxes, but still feeling a gaping chasm between me and God, the Father.

One day, I saw a notice for an upcoming retreat in my church bulletin. I did not have any Catholic friends at that time and reached out to the one Catholic friend I had, another temporary staff in the place I worked. Attending the retreat was a big step for me, I had been away from the church for some time and all the experiences I was having at retreat were unfamiliar. I hadn't heard of Lectio, Praise and Worship and Reconciliation - all these seemed like a foreign language to me. I was also not one to share their testimonies openly at the retreat and it might have seemed the retreat had little effect on me. I emerged from the retreat on a spiritual high, yet felt drained immediately after.

Yet, the Father speaks to us in His own ways and in His own time. Prayer ministry that I received in the retreat revealed deep truths to me, I received the courage to leave my job. I decided to give my earthly father another chance, but he disappointed me again and the situation at home worsened. I felt a sense of spiritual abandonment again, crying out to the Father to help me to bear all things with strength. It made me realise the human need for connection in difficult situations and I indicated interest in joining a Catholic community. The Whatsapp message from one of the members came at a time when I felt very much alone, it was like a warm hug from the Father, assuring me that I am not walking this journey of life alone.

This was the beginning of many small "Yes"-es to the Father, the Father who had always been at my side. I found myself with renewed courage to venture out of my comfort zone and to "walk into deep waters", participating in a mission trip and most recently returning to serve in the very retreat I had attended just a year ago. In the pockets of time I had in serving at the retreat, I encountered the Father in many ways, through the peacefulness of baking cookies for the participants, through the "Spirit Song" that evoked memories of my mission trip. A member of the service team had wanted to share the song, and the lyrics spoke very deeply to me

Give him all your tears of sadness, give him all your years of pain. Let him have the things that hold you, and his spirit, like a dove, will descend upon your life and make you whole

Every time I tried to fade into the background, the Father was drawing me out into the open. He so desired to build a strong relationship that could not be broken. I am shy by nature and feel apprehensive about addressing large crowds, yet I was tasked to say grace at our communal meal at the retreat. I was filled with dread and picked out a verse that morning which made me feel very loved by the Father, Joshua 1:9

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.

The path to healing opened when another member of the service team shared his family experience which mirrored mine and I could feel the emotions of unforgiveness and pain flood back. I could feel that He was reminding me that I am a beloved daughter of God and that all things are beautiful, in His perfect timing. I felt a deep sense of reassurance and security that I could cling to the Father and He would always catch me, every time.

It then dawned upon me that in every moment, at every encounter, He is always with me walking with me, comforting me, encouraging me and healing me. And I take Him with me wherever I go, to whoever I meet. That I’ve grown so much more in faith, to not question my situation, rather to trust fully in the Lord even if I don’t understand it. Because God isn’t done with me, that He is using the situation to shape me and prepare me for the future. It may not necessarily be a smooth-sailing road; I am comforted to know that God is with me every step out the way.

I am so blessed to have rediscovered the Father's love for me, a Father who loves me with a generous, abounding love. The Father's love overwhelms, it is reckless and most importantly, His love has no end.

My invitation to you is to let God enter your lives more and more; to put God at the center of your life. Learn to see Him in everything, open your heart to Him; let Him do the work he needs to do on you. Let God change your hearts, allow God to walk with you and be the co-author in your life, and may you also rediscover the Father's gentle love for you, dear sister.

Celeste enjoys spending time with the Lord in adoration and is a gentle and generous soul. She enjoys sweet desserts (both the eating and the making) and prays to "taste and see the goodness of the Lord". She will be starting on the School Of Witness soon (as you read this!) and let's pray for her in this sacred time and space, as she drinks deeply from the Well of Living Water.