1 Corinthians 13/Ep 3: Love is not proud, it does not dishonour others

This is part of an extended series "1 Corinthians 13 - Discovering the Father's Love" as we journey towards Valentine's Day. Stay tuned for reflections on the beautiful verse as we meditate on the nature of love.

As we go about this festive season this Chinese New Year, we are no stranger to the family conversations that might emerge. Some family members are quick to boast about their recent promotion at work, the recent marriage of their child or their latest condominium purchase. Ever more keenly, I have felt the necessity and beauty of “Love is not proud, it does not dishonour others”. As we reunite with our loved ones over this festive season, pride and envy exist as undercurrents. Perhaps it is a relative of ours who never fails to highlight the “prosperity” and “good fortune” at the family table or when a family gathering becomes an excuse for unhealthy comparison. While it is all fine and good to feel proud of our achievements, let us steer away from placing ourselves on a platform and to worship these idols of success, instead of our one true God. At the same time, Chinese New Year slowly morphs into a gossip session and we may see our family members in a different light. Personally, I have always felt uncomfortable to gossip about others as it gnaws away at me. The damage wrought by gossip is deadly indeed. If we love people, how can we humiliate them by passing remarks behind their back?

To honour others, is to respect them and to hold space for them. In our frustration, we all have a tendency to respond with unkind words. Think about that relative of yours who is barraging you with questions at the dinner table, about your job, your relationship status, your 5 year plan. All too often, we find ourselves responding with an unkind word or saying something equally biting in return to “end the conversation”. It is challenging to exercise self-restraint and to look at our family with eyes of love. We may have never had a happy conversation with them! Yet, making sarcastic remarks in return draws us away from the perfect love of the Father. While condemning and gossiping openly might seem more damaging, we tend to underestimate the impact of a slight joke or sarcastic remark. Let us strive to always be kinder than necessary and to speak words of kindness. If it’s hard for us to do so, it is better sometimes to say nothing. God’s love is perfect in that He will never dishonour us. He looks at us as His creation and does not see our failures. The God who overlooks our shortcomings invites us too to look beyond the flaws of the people in our lives and to always respect them even in the face of difference and struggle.

Beyond our familial relationships this festive season, let us also consider the area of romantic relationships as we journey closer to 14th February. To honour those we love is to respect the boundaries of a committed relationship and to seek intimacy with our partner. I have seen relationships destroyed by unfaithfulness and it saddens me. Perhaps this stems from the millennial’s disdain for commitment? Call it a phobia of commitment or an endless comparison of the person we are with, with an ideal we have in our minds, we find it easier to fall into the trap of dishonouring our partner. But is not love, a full commitment to another person, oriented to His will? To honour our other half is to respect him or her fully and to consider the impact of our actions on the other person. While some may think that intimacy only pertains to the physical, emotional intimacy goes deeper. If you find yourself seeking validation by someone else other than your partner, then are you really respecting and honouring their place in your life? It might seem a messy situation as we navigate the different types of relationships we have, but to truly honour the people we love, we must learn to respect them. Dishonouring our partner can be likened to dishonouring God himself. If we seek solace and refuge in idols such as success or achievement instead of God, we have misplaced our hearts. Let us learn to appreciate the people placed in our lives and to protect the relationships gifted to us by God.

St John Paul II notes that true love of another is not easy and requires full commitment to honour the person, being borne not of selfish motives, but of one of self-surrender:

“Take away from love the fullness of self-surrender, the completeness of personal commitment, and what remains will be a total denial and negation of it.”

Let us hold space for those we love and treat them with loving respect, even when we struggle, for indeed “love is not proud, it does not dishonour others”.