1 Corinthians 13/Ep 4: Love is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered

This is part of an extended series "1 Corinthians 13 - Discovering the Father's Love" as we journey towards Valentine's Day. Stay tuned for reflections on the beautiful verse as we meditate on the nature of love.

Watching some old reruns of a Korean drama series recently, I marvelled at the betrayal of the main character. How could she break up with the man that had sacrificed so much for her? How could she leave him there standing in the rain? On the surface, it looked like a classic scene, with emotions running high. How could she be so selfish, I wondered? Didn’t she love him? It made me consider more seriously, this crucial element of love. There are flimsy relationships based on self-interest, there are those that are meant to “look good” on the outside but do not bear a deeper connection. There are those that are seasonal, where one party is in the relationship because it suits him or her, perhaps that person has found companionship, security, but has he or she considered the needs of the other? Then there are the one-sided relationships, where one person puts in much more effort than the other. Where has the welfare of the ones we love featured in all of this?

I’ve realised that we are comfortable with the “easy” part of the relationships we have, but when the tough times come around, how many of us are willing to make sacrifices and compromises? How many of us are willing to accept both the light and darkness? If we are self-seeking, we will prioritise our own needs above those of others. We will make decisions based on our own needs instead of consulting others about their views and needs. Two selfish people will not sustain a relationship, as they will only consider themselves and will be concerned with how the other person “makes them feel”. Real love isn’t about the “feel-good”, it is about the choices we make everyday. Sometimes these choices won’t be easy and we may be forced to choose between something we really “want” and our partner. But if we truly value the relationship we have, we will attempt to see the bigger picture and look beyond our own microscopic view.

Genuine love for another means putting their interests before our own, breaking free of the chains of selfishness. It means not insisting on our own way or our own rights, but always seeking the good of the other person. Sometimes it means discomfort on our part, a loss of convenience, not being able to do whatever it is we desire. It’s a struggle between our own personal desires and the welfare of the ones we love. We are inherently selfish and tend to prioritise our own needs and I am guilty of this as well. Yet, I realised if we look at the ones we love a little differently and see that each opportunity is one to love them more fully, our perspective alters. We no longer feel resentful for having to “give in” to those we love, it is not something we grudgingly do. Instead, it is something that fills us with joy, because it is borne of love.

We maintain a peaceful attitude even when we disagree and take care to keep anger at bay. Often, what we say in anger is unintentional but always causes significant harm to those around us. In the heat of the moment, we say things we do not really mean, but the power of our words is very real. The effect of our anger may not be immediately visible to us, but it erodes the trust of the people around us and distances us from them.

Curiously, it made me think of the Bruno Mars song, “Grenade”, where Bruno sings “I would catch a grenade for you.”. Yes, maybe to truly love someone, we inherently desire to protect them and sometimes place ourselves in a vulnerable position. Is this not, also the love of the Father? He who loved us first, sent His son to die on the cross for us all. He who loved with a selfless love laid down His life as the ultimate sacrifice.

Upon the hill on Calvary He came from Heaven's throne Our fallenness and mercy meet Where blood and water flow

What grace divine what selflessness That Christ would bear the weight Our proof is scarred on hands that bled That we were worth every nail

It’s your love – Hillsong Worship

Let us look deeper at our relationships and strive to place the needs of others before our own, for indeed “love is not self-serving, it is not easily angered.”