Fleabag + Faith/Ep3

Fleabag’s dissociative tendencies and aversion to genuine connection paint a picture of her self-destructive behaviour. At a deeper level, she knows what she wants- to be known and loved as who she is, but she has been skirting around the issue for years.

A trip to a counsellor does nothing for her - she teases the counsellor and avoids the deeper issue - much like how most of us feel more comfortable avoiding emotional issues instead of engaging with them. Her growing feelings for the Priest cause her to be conflicted and she feels confused. It all comes to a head in the scene where she requests to receive the Sacrament of Confession. The Priest guides her through the process and all seems to be going well until Fleabag’s countenance starts to shift. A normally restrained and cautious person who calculates her sarcasm and wit, she descends into one of the most honest examinations of her life. She has finally let go of the manicured facade she has built up like a protective shield around her and is finally being REAL. It is affecting to the viewer as we have never seen her like this - she usually exudes a certain degree of restraint, even when things get out of hand. She cries out in agony - Just tell me what to do! Her self-exposure in the most sacred of places reminds me of our own experiences of Confession. As we walk through the season of Lent, I can identify with many Catholics who feel fearful of walking into the Confessional as it means I have to come face to face with the not so rosy parts of my life or the times when I have failed Him. Yet, that is also the beauty of Confession - in that our examination of conscience sometimes rakes up old wounds that might not have healed and puts us in a vulnerable spot. I saw that in Fleabag’s honest monologue of her failings and her hopes and how her self-destructive behaviour has wrecked havoc on relationships she desperately wants to heal. We all have that moment when we are faced with the awe of the Sacrament - the possibility of forgiveness, in spite of all that we have done or said. Fleabag’s cry for direction is not unlike our own unspoken cries to God to help us discern the path forward or to shine a light onto whether we should go right or left at the fork in the road. Her humanity is placed front and centre and we can all identify ourselves in the man/woman in the confessional who has realised the weight of his/her sin and is seeking a way forward, out of the mess. The brutal honesty of Fleabag’s words reminds me that God doesn’t need us to have it all together - He actually wants us to come to Him at our lowest points, if only to rely on His strength.